It’s OK to Just Go Through the Motions When Building New Behaviours
Here’s something brilliant that not enough people talk about: it’s absolutely fine to just go through the motions when you’re building new behaviours.
Our brains don’t actually know whether we’re doing something “properly” or just showing up. Each time we repeat an action, it triggers a release of dopamine – our reward chemical – and strengthens the connections between neurons (the brain cells that fire together). These strengthening neural pathways are physical changes in our brain, regardless of how engaged we feel. This is particularly useful for those of us who might find traditional approaches to building behaviours a bit challenging.
If you have, or think you have ADHD it’s likely that this is YOU, and you find it really hard to build “habits” and find this frustrating… don’t worry, read on! (there’s more about my philosophy on habits below).
My Morning Audio Example
Here’s what happens in my morning: I start each day with a guided intention-setting audio. Most mornings, my mind wanders off to my to-do list, what I fancy for breakfast, or that random fact I learned yesterday about penguins. And that’s completely OK!
The real win isn’t about maintaining focus – it’s literally just in the act of pressing play each morning. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow (side note: if you haven’t read Gabrielle Zevin’s book of the same name, it’s brilliant!), that simple action of hitting play is creating a behaviour loop. Once that bit becomes easier, then we can work on actually listening to what’s being said.
The Exercise Kit Scenario
This works brilliantly for exercise too. Let’s say you (think you) want to start running. Instead of pressuring yourself to do a 5K straight away (which sounds pretty awful), just put on your exercise kit and trainers, and step outside. That’s it. You’ve done the thing for today.
Some days you might just stand on your doorstep and head back in – and that’s fine! Other days you might fancy a walk around the block. Sometimes you might feel up for a jog. The important bit isn’t the exercise itself – it’s just getting into your kit and opening that front door.
Or Making Housework More Manageable
We can use this same approach for housework. Rather than overwhelming ourselves with the idea of a spotless house, we can break it down into small, doable bits:
- Instead of “clean the kitchen,” – wipe one counter after your morning cuppa
- Rather than “sort out the wardrobe,” – put away three (or one!) items of clothing before bed rather than chucking them on the floordrobe (although as a hint, I now have a specific space in a drawer which is for worn but could be worn again instead of washed – this means I’m not putting it away with clean clothes but it does go somewhere “away”)
- Instead of “keep the house tidy,”clear one surface in one room each day, or move items closer to the room they are meant to be in (I call this step by step sorting!)
Once you’re actually standing there with a cloth in hand, or holding those three items of clothing, you might naturally do a bit more. But if you don’t? That’s fine too. You’re still strengthening those neural pathways, and that’s what matters.
PLUS when you start to see this as a win and feel proud of yourself for doing “something” rather than “nothing” it also gets that all important dopamine going!
Building New Pathways to Make our Future Easier
This isn’t about “breaking bad habits” – we’re physically creating new neural pathways alongside our existing ones. For those of us who are neurodivergent, this is particularly relevant as our brains process dopamine and build reward circuits differently.
I prefer to think of these as repeated behaviours rather than habits. Most activities, except for truly automatic ones like which sock goes on first (which use different brain circuits in the brain), need some level of conscious effort. This is especially true for those of us with ADHD, where even long-standing behaviours might need a bit of a mental nudge.
This means that when we’re beating ourselves up because we can’t build “good habits” we might be being unfair to ourselves, because it might not be a habit at all, but a behaviour we’re trying to make more natural and instinctive but which might need a bit more conscious input.
The Science Bit
Every time we repeat an action, even if we’re just going through the motions, we’re physically changing our brain’s structure. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Promise!
These changes happen in a few fascinating ways:
- Our neurons create new connections and strengthen existing ones through a process called synaptic plasticity
- The myelin sheath (think of it as the insulation around electrical wires) around these neural pathways gets thicker, helping signals travel more efficiently
- Our brain’s reward system releases small amounts of dopamine each time we complete the action, regardless of how well we think we did it
It’s a bit like curling – you know, that sport where they sweep the ice in front of the stone? The sweeping doesn’t just make the path smoother – it actually helps guide the stone where they want it to go. Each repetition of a behaviour is like another sweep of the brush, not only making the path easier but actively helping guide your future self in the direction you want to go.
This is especially relevant for those of us with ADHD, where our dopamine (that reward and motivation chemical) works a bit differently. Every time we complete even a small action, we’re helping our brain build new reward pathways, even if we don’t feel particularly motivated in the moment.
Permission to Be Imperfect
We’re not aiming for perfection here. We’re aiming for progress. Some days you’ll feel motivated and engaged. Other days you’ll be operating on autopilot. Both are equally valuable in building new behaviours. When we take away the pressure to do things “properly,” we often find ourselves more willing to start. And starting is usually the tricky bit.
So next time you’re working on building a new behaviour, give yourself permission to just go through the motions. Show up. Press play. Put on those trainers. Grab that cleaning cloth. Your brain will count each repetition as practice, and over time, these small actions can add up to real changes in your daily life.
If you enjoyed this article, and are curious about more things to do with these behaviours, how your brain works, your (Maybe) ADHD then you might like to join me for The Clarity Cayalyst at the end of January.
It’s a bitesize exploration of ADHD and how to work with your brain better and it’s totally free!
Here’s what a past participant said:
“I remember doing this a couple of years ago and it was awesome!”
Sign up to join us here:
https://go.charlottedover.com/the-clarity-catalyst
